My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
