We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
