I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
