you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
