some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
