I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
