So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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