why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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