im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
