OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
