yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize