I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
