I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
whose parrot is this?
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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