Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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