Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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