I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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