I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
