found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
