When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks