i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm passing your future prison.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.