There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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