Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
COCAINE IS GR8