So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day