i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
