The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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