my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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