no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
