Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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