That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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