____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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