My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
