how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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