i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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