she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
