we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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