just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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