I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
