one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
