plz talk dirty to me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
