It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
