Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was born a porn star she said
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
