dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
