Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
