You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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