how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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