There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
