there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
