Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
