please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
