Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
