So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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