It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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