I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
