It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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