my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
