we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.