I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug