How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books