While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.