Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out