I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Quick, to the slutcave!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country