So drunk its hurt
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process