I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.