shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?