I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.