she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea