You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
