Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection