I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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