is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
