put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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