You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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