I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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