remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i need some magic done to my vagina
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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