i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
