last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
