Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
