I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
