There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
