btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
