respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
