so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
