there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
