the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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